Word for the day: AMELIORATION. Yes, today was advancement, but it was a while in the making. And at times it was seemingly two steps forward and one step back. Chad and I have had some great experiences, but it seems he was put here to help through challenges, rather than just floating and fishing and having fun. Let’s recap where we left our heroes this morning: 3 bags stolen that included all of our cooking gear, all of our freeze dried food (including the freeze dried chocolate cheesecake that Chad hadn’t even told me about yet), my French precious (they tooks it, those nasty hobbitses), and Chad’s wallet (containing 40 $2 bills).

After Chad cancelled his cards and Facebook became aware of our plight, we took to the water (early exuberant start turned into 9am tail dragging departure). Unfortunately, however we looked at it, we had 28 miles to go on the river to get to Brainerd. We thought about going back to the tavern to have some wizard conjure up a pot of coffee first, but then we remembered there weren’t any wizards there, cuz they’re not real. A shame.

After we got a mile downstream, we started to joke about the whole incident. We wondered whether they would be happy with all those freeze dried dinners. We wondered if we came back for Halloween if we could find a house giving out Jolly Ranchers. We doubted they even knew how to operate a French press. Mostly, we couldn’t believe we were attacked by pirates and not there to defend our keep. As the day wore on, we both agreed that we weren’t angry, we were both to blame, we learned a valuable lesson, it was only “stuff”, and Chad hated my cookware anyway.

We stopped for our traditional PBJ, though this was the last of our peanut butter and bread: priority #1 for Brainerd resupply. We also encountered a fawn along the way that seemed eager to come out into the water to greet us; like she knew we needed a little extra love today.

As we approached the last 10 miles into Brainerd, the effect of the coming dam became apparent as the water stagnated into a lake, which would again slow our progress. By this time, we had a reply on Facebook that somebody would meet us upon arrival in a red pickup truck at Lum Park at 5:30 to help us out. The park was about 1 mile out of our way away from the dam, but the old beggars and choosers adage applied.

When we arrived at Lum Park we were a little early, which we were happy to not have our provision savior waiting. The I got another FB message, because of difficulties with the red truck, our savior would be 30-40 minutes later in a grey truck. Chad and I reviewed our provision inventory for resupply, and we discussed overnight options: our top hope was to load kayaks in the pickup and sleep at someone’s house, either our savior, or have him drop us off downstream of the dam in order to make it to another River Angel address. But, we would settle for a ride for shopping trip to Dicks Sporting Goods.

When Bill arrived after 6, we chatted for a bit (Bill is a generous conversationalist). It turns out, Bill was coming to meet us, but his gas tank fell off on the way, so he had to call AAA to arrange a tow and borrow a neighbor’s truck. We told him what all we needed to purchase and he said he would be happy to run one of us to Fleet Farm or Walmart; Dicks was not an option due to their stance on the second amendment. Since Chad had no wallet, and most of the stolen gear was what I would need for the next 7 weeks, I went to Fleet Farm while Chad watched the boats.

I got to see Brainerd (I don’t need to see it again, though the people are friendly). Fleet Farm had nearly all I needed, sans the French precious, and bread and a lighter. Though it took some time: it was now nearly 7pm.

As we left Fleet Farm, Bill asked to run by the garage that was expected to be towing Bill’s truck hours ago. Apparently AAA or the tow company dropped the ball; it had been hours and his truck was still sitting where he left it. Bill went inside the garage while I texted with Chad about overnight options.

We hadn’t ruled out getting Bill to cart us to his house or further downstream, but that wasn’t seeming likely. There was camping available at Lum Park, but they don’t allow tents (huh? I never heard of such a thing and couldn’t make any sense of it). We could stealth camp around Lum Park, but most places are pretty conspicuous. We could stealth camp at the dam, but that was a mile away on the water. meanwhile, it’s after 7 and daylight was fading.

20 minutes later, Bill is still in the garage. I was grateful for the shuttle to Fleet Farm, but now darkness and sleeping location are becoming an issue. Sun sets at 8:09, and there’s been no moon at night, so we’re getting squeezed for time, and we haven’t had a proper meal since 11:30 PBJ (is that even a proper meal?) Around 7:25, we left the garage will Bill on hold to AAA. As we were approaching the park, I asked Bill to stop at the Casey’s next door so I could get bread, a lighter and dinner. (My godson Joe says Casey’s has THE best pizza.) When I walked into Casey’s, I was the only customer, excepting a couple that seemed to be having trouble at one of the cash registers. I grabbed 6 slices of pizza, then it took my some searching to find the bread. When I went to pay, there were now 5 people in line ahead of me.

As I waited in line, both attendants were dealing with the issue on register 1. Apparently something shut the register down and now the store was taking only cash. It seemed everyone in Minnesota carries cash, because we all moved to register #2, where transactions seemed painstakingly slow. Tick tick tick toward sundown.

Finally, the man in front of my stepped up, and somehow pulled a $20 from his shoe with his foot and slapped it on the counter. How did I not notice the man was a double arm amputee? I looked down at his empty Croc and wondered how he managed his cash in there. He ordered $13 in gas on pump #4 and would need an attendant to pump it. I think I blacked out for a moment as I didn’t see what happened to the $7 in change as I was fixated on the cash register attendant walking out the door to pump gas. Tick tick tick. What just happened? How was any of this happening? Just a quick run to Dick’s Sporting Goods was really all we needed. I could’ve done with the pizza, and bread. I was released from the clutches of Aitkin and now trapped in a bizarre vortex in Brainerd.

Thankfully, the Casey’s cavalry came from some back room and handled my transaction. We got back to the park where Bill stopped to talk with the campground host about the tent free rule. I walked back to Chad and sat down for pizza at 7:51 (which was delicious Joe). Darkness was now going to be a certainty.

Bill came back from the host indicating that the police come through the park every night, but they don’t leave their vehicle. We could sleep under picnic tables at the picnic pavilion. I envisioned a scene where the Brainerd policeman finds us under a picnic table. Chad has no ID, so I show him mine along with the crisp edge of a $50 bill. I tell him, “We didn’t know this was a problem officer. But, I was thinking maybe we could take care of this right here, in Brainerd.” When the policeman doesn’t take kindly to my attempted bribery, Chad some kills him with his sleeping pad and several scenes later he’s stuffing me in a wood chipper. (Note: If you haven’t seen the movie Fargo, you’ll think I’ve completely lost it. If you know, you know.)

The park pavilion didn’t have a good vibe. So at sunset, we were getting the armada prepared for a 1 mile nighttime crossing of Rice Lake and a stealth camp at the Potlatch Dam. Let’s hope this has a happy ending!

For today’s musical offering, Chad and I were just singing this song the other day. I can’t even recall what crazy thing brought this song to mind. But today took crazy up a notch. Seriously, who would’ve thought a guy with no arms as a character that influenced our timeline? Nuts. Gnarls Barkley Crazy.